13 Dwarves, a Hobbit, a Wizard, and Three I-Don't-Know-Whats
by Spinjitzugirl6310
Summary: Dear Readers, I am in Middle Earth with thirteen Dwarves, a Hobbit, a Wizard, and my two friends, one of which blushes whenever a certain young, dark haired dwarf prince looks her way, and the other one who tries to make a catch of her own. I'm not even gonna try. Nope. Not me. I'm too busy...heaven help my sanity. I don't have the time for that stuff. R&R! -Elizabeth
1. Chapter 1

Alright. For starters, I am a person, and I am a female.

My name is Elizabeth. I have read your fanfictions on this here website, and I've noticed something.  
There is a common thread for people just falling into Middle Earth. Even Spinjitzugirl6310 did it. NOW. Amy's story was quite interesting, as are many others in this place. But I decided to deviate from that and see if I could succeed in doing this myself. I'm not gonna hang out here and fall into Middle Earth. By golly, I'm gonna JUMP.


	2. Chapter 2

Well Hi, again. I jumped, like I said I was gonna. I had a problem with it, as I was thinking about Ninjago and The Female Masters of Spinjitzu, which Spinjitzugirl6310 has got to work on. So I wound up with split concentration, on the Destiny's Bounty with thirteen ninja and a wizard Sensei Wu. So…..I tried again.

THAT time it worked. So I'm sitting in the Shire, see? And I look around and I see- what?

I do NOT see Bag End.

I see a long walk.

Nuts.

After an incredibly long hike with several stares from the natives around here, I FINALLY reached Bag End. I pulled out a little 'communicator' and dialed up my friends. They like these movies as much as I do. Pretty soon, they materialized in front of me. I know this sounds kind of Star Trek…..but whatever. This is a story; I can do what I like.

So anyways, I had them cosplay as characters so they weren't too inconspicuous.

(By the way, for all you people who think I came off a bit rude back there in the beginning, I apologize. Under stress, you see.)

So there were Abigail and Grace. Abigail looked like an elf, frankly. I stared.

"Dude. Thorin will have your head for showing up looking like that. You look elvish."

"Yeah, and? I'm not afraid of him!" Neither was I, but I didn't want to get killed by a good guy.

"Grace, are you supposed to be a hobbit? You KNOW that the makeup and all becomes the real thing when you do this kind of stuff."

"Yeah! The feet are weird, but otherwise I'm ok. Does that explain why you don't have a beard?"

"No way would I parade around like THAT."

"Shame." She crossed her arms at me. I changed the subject.

"So what do we do now? Do we hang out and wait for a few of the dwarves to arrive?" I asked.

"May as well," Abigail said. "But what would we do?"

"Erm…..explore?" Grace suggested.

"Ok."  
Such began a pointless wandering.


	3. Chapter 3

We managed to kill a few hours of time.

Despite being an expert on Middle Earth, I still felt more awkward than I showed. I tried to look normal, but the only one who'd fool anyone was Grace the Hobbit.

The changes were weird. I mean, Abigail's pointy ears were kind of weird, and the fact that she was a small elf was weird. I mean, she was maybe four foot nine. Abigail had never been big…but THAT was rather extreme, since my height had been changed. For the worse.

Then there was me. I can tell you, I was much taller. I had always been big for my age. Now I was a short, stocky dwarf. I was not altogether upset…..but I missed looking down at things. Like rocks. I was however, four foot ten, so I could still look down at Abigail. Slightly. I still had glasses, and I carried contact lenses just in case. My hair was thicker too, and coarser.

After a bit, we decided to return to Bag End.

Which meant ANOTHER long walk. Let me tell you how THAT felt.

So FINALLY we reached Bag End.

It didn't appear that The Large Crowd had arrived yet, and by large crowd I mean Gloin, Oin, Bifur, Bofur, Bombur, Dori, Ori, and Nori, and….that's the lot except for Gandalf The Wizard.

So…Grace nervously rapped at the door. I crossed my fingers and looked at Abigail, the Dwelf…..(She was too short to be PURE ELF) and the door opened.

There was a very nerve-wracked Bilbo Baggins.

Oh My Goodness.

"More dwarves?" He asked.

"Er….I'm a dwarf…..she's a hobbit, and she's a…Dwelf," I said, indicating my friends.

"Don't worry, we aren't gonna trash your place," Grace said reassuringly. Bilbo sighed with relief. He opened the door a bit wider, resignedly. Grace went in first, followed by Abigail. I brought up the rear.

"By the way, I'm Elizabeth. That's Grace, and that's Abigail, and we're all at your service," I told Bilbo. He nodded weakly.

I slammed into Abigail, who had stopped short at the dining room.

Which was occupied by Dwalin, Balin, Fili, and Kili. I grinned when I remembered that Abigail had a HUGE crush on Kili. THIS was gonna be fun.

I pushed past them and helped myself to a slice of roast beef. I got stares.

"Who are you, then?" Balin asked. I like him.

"Elizabeth," I said in my usual blunt manner. "That's Abigail, and that's Grace." I proceeded to consume the roast beef.

It was going to be a long and fun night.

Well, I'd already made the acquaintance of the dwarves that were already there, and I realized that this was going to be fun. That is, if Abigail hadn't insisted on blushing anytime Kili glanced in her stupid DIRECTION.

I sure hope he didn't notice.

In the meantime, I spent a good amount of time eating. This was the last good meal we were going to get for who knew how long.

I mean, even Rivendell.

The good news is that I completely knew what to expect so we might not get killed.

So anyways, the doorbell rang again.

Here comes Gandalf the Grey Wizard of Awesomeness. And the dwarves.


	4. Chapter 4

I was right.

After explaining to the lot of them that we were coming to help, they seemed a bit more…..friendly. Which was good. Now, I frantically tried to pack in my knapsack as much of the food as I possibly could.

They'd thank me later.

Now, we had to get this party really swinging before Thorin showed up and killed all moods.

So, I strolled over to where Abigail stood, and grabbed her arm. Ignoring her protests, I drug her over to an empty seat next to Kili, where I made her sit down. I smiled at Kili.

"This is Abigail. She's incredibly shy; please try to make her feel at home around here." I disappeared to go get something to eat, giggling hysterically at my cleverness. A backward glance showed Abigail chatting some…with a more-than-slightly-pink face.

In the next few minutes, I learned that Ori liked to write, and that he used a slingshot and was quite good at it. I had to drag it out of him; he'd be considered a SHY dwarf.

Good grief.

I told him I wrote a lot too, and assured him that slingshots were as good as a sword.

Conclusion: Ori was a nice guy.

"Oy, Fili! Get off the table or away from my plate at least!" I called to the dwarf, who had decided that the best mode of transportation was walking about the table.

A glance at Abigail showed that the blush was dying down…slightly.

I had COMPLETELY stuffed myself and managed to avoid all alcohol.

Miraculously.

So while irritating my friends, I had eaten a ton and managed to stay sober.

GO ME.

So after the whole "Lets Freak Bilbo Out By Throwing His Dishes While We're Cleaning Up" act, of course, who should come knocking but Darth Vader.

Actually, it was Thorin Oakenshield.  
Same thing.


	5. Chapter 5

Well, he did the whole: "So This Is The Hobbit" stuff.

And then he turned to the three of us.

"And who are you?"

"I'm Elizabeth Alexandria Nercross," I said. "This is Abigail, and this is Grace. We're going to help you take Erebor back from Smaug." I straightened my shoulders and looked Thorin in the eye.

He stared back and nodded.

"Alright. What can you do?"

"I am skilled with an axe, I can use a bow and arrows, a sword, and I can use a mace. Abigail is good at a bow and arrows, and Grace can use a sword. None of us can cook worth anything."

"Ah."

So we stumped off towards the dining room.

Thorin is a disgusting male.

I understand why he has problems.

Really, I DO.

But…is that an excuse to be all 'Mightier and More Majestic than Thou"?

I mean…seriously?

So after "Give Him The Contract", and after Bilbo fainted, I asked for the contract.

It was passed down.

I wrote:  
"Elizabeth Alexandria Nercross, aka Stormageddon, Dark Lord of All."

In small print, of course. I stared at Thorin and lifted my chin slightly. Then I passed it down to Abigail.

So while Bilbo was recovering, and the dwarves were talking, I nabbed Abigail and tore Grace away from a blushing Ori.

Oi…..

"Right, so we're going on this adventure. Now, if the book is right, Thorin, Fili and Kili die…and somebody else…Should we change it?"

"Yes!" Abigail hissed.

"Yes!" Grace whispered.

"Ok. Not sure how this would work. Good thing we took those classes for using weapons in our own time."  
_

So after the Misty Mountains song…(Still sends shivers down my spine) we turned in.

I found myself under a couch.

Oh well.

It was probably a better bed than I'd be getting for the next however long.


	6. Chapter 6

After I crawled out from under the couch the next morning, I sat up and rubbed my head.

"I've got a headache the size of the Death Star," I muttered to Abigail. Abigail glanced around the room.

"Where did everybody go?"

"Drat. Are we the last ones up?"

"Maybe…" She said.

We scrambled out.

"Yo, what's up?" I muttered to Grace.

"Breakfast, that's all. They JUST woke up, so you aren't too late."

"Good," I said grimly. "You know how I get about bacon."

!  
"Too crowded in here," I grunted. I gave Bofur a gentle push to get him out of my way and bulldozed towards the kitchen.

Bilbo was NOT going to be pleased.

Let's just say that, ok?

Anyway.  
I saw BACON.

Therefore: Day=Made

!

After a HUGE breakfast that was even bigger than Dad's breakfasts on Christmas morning, we packed our stuff.

Of course, Abigail, Grace and I had packed from NOW so….I had my books and my notebook and my clothes and my comfort foods.

So NOW we had to pack more food.

I had packed some of that before we left my house too. So we were pretty well stocked.

Ok fine. Maybe I shouldn't have taken THAT many chocolate bars. But WHAT CAN I SAY?

And…my clothes included some of the costumes as authentic as I could get them for some shows I watch.

Including my Sixth Doctor coat.

Maybe I can wear that in Rivendell.

!

And then Thorin said it was time to go.

SO we left.

I looked back on Bag End, taking a mental picture. Then I pulled out my digital camera and took a picture of it for real.

Then I turned around and walked away.

Leaving the fun part of this adventure behind.


	7. Chapter 7

Well, we made it to the spot where we were supposed to pick up our ponies.

I stared at them.

Fourteen ponies.

After the dwarves mounted, Kili offered a hand to Abigail, who climbed up behind him.

Fili looked at me and offered a hand.

"I can ride a horse, you know. And…I think I'll share with Bofur," I said. I walked off. "Hey, Bofur? Can I ride with you?"

"Alright. Up ya get." I swung aboard. A look back showed me Grace sitting behind Ori, chatting with him happily.

So, after a few minutes, someone suggested betting on whether Bilbo would come.

I stayed out of it. Because otherwise I'd wind up sitting pretty with THEIR stuff.

Then Bilbo turned up.

And I laughed like crazy.

"I told you so!" I exclaimed through my giggles.

Well, we rode until we got to the spot where there was a thingamabob known as a destroyed house.

Trolls, as my friends and I knew.

But hey, SPOILERS.

So…we can't do that.

"What do we do?" Abigail hissed after we dismounted. "We might endanger the group. They might die!"

"WE might die," Grace said.

"Look, just…sit around and make like River Song and keep stuff secret. And stay out of the way."

Alright. Well, Fili and Kili had to watch the ponies, Gandalf and Thorin got into an argument and Gandalf stormed off.

Abigail giggled when I made a face at Thorin behind his back.

I understand he has issues.

But seriously. He just ticked our Wizard Guide off and now he's gone.

And we are going to have to fight TROLLS.

Maybe we could bail…nah. We've got to be of some use, if only to show Thorin up.

Because, I mean, THAT'S always fun.


	8. Chapter 8

"I'm so bored, and hungry," Grace groaned.

"Hey, go eat King Thorin Grumpypants," I joked.

"Something's eating him, that's for sure," Abigail said.

"Besides Gold Sickness?" I asked.

"Sadness. That's it." Abigail nodded.

"Ah…." I rolled over. Abigail sighed.

"Whatsa matter? Pining after Prince Beardless?"

"Shut up."

"Nah. You liiiike him," Grace teased. Abigail flushed.

"Be quiet!" Grace and I collapsed into giggles. "Not funny, guys!"

"Sorry," I snorted. "Can't help it."

"Bilbo is in trouble!" Fili cried. He burst through the bushes with his brother and glanced around.

I rolled my eyes.

"C'mon guys, let's go," I stood up and checked for my weapons.

We followed the others out.

Well, like a pack of dweebs, even the three of US got out there and nabbed. The classes we'd took paid off, and we fought…..like ok. I mean, not as good as, say, Dwalin, but decently.

That didn't stop the trolls from sticking us in bags.

"Drat," I muttered. "At what point do I begin singing?"

It had been agreed that if we were captured, we may as well annoy the captors.

"In a minute. If Bilbo doesn't start soon, we'll begin with the Hole In The Bottom Of The Sea," Abigail whispered.

I nodded.

Bilbo got up and started.

I crossed my fingers.

"You'll need more than sage to plate this lot up," Bilbo stated. I nodded.

"Traitor!" The group of dwarves started throwing a fit.

"Shut up, all of you," Abigail hissed.

No one listened.

No, these guys aren't the brightest.

Then again, they are male.

"NOT THAT ONE HE'S INFECTED!"

_Thank the stars,_ I thought.

"He's got worms, in his…tubes."

"WHAT?"

_Shut __**up**__ guys, please,_ I thought.

"In fact, all of them are, I wouldn't try it, I really wouldn't."

The group exploded in protests.

"We don't have parasites, YOU have parasites!"

_Great. Real mature guys. Also, good comeback._

Then Thorin kicked us.

"Ouch!" I hissed. "Look, _I_ knew what he was doing, don't kick _me_!"

"I've….got parasites as big as my arm."

"I've got the biggest parasites! I've got HUGE parasites!"  
_Ooh, REAL inconspicuous there._

"AND I'VE GOT SO MANY, I LOST COUNT," I bellowed. Ok. Yeah, got no room to talk.

Then: Ferret Business.

Then Gandalf showed up and stone-afied them.

"THANK THE HEAVENS," I cried. "GET ME OUT OF HERE!"


	9. Chapter 9

I was writing in my journal about the events while the dwarves that were being roasted were untied when I heard a voice behind me.

"What are you doing?"

"Hello to you too, Braids," I said smartly, using the nickname Abigail had for Fili. "I'm writing."

Fili frowned. "I'm-"

"Fili, I know. Sorry."

"Forgiven. Writing what?"

"About this stuff. I never want to forget anything about this adventure."

"Ah." He settled next to me. "You might want to forget by the end."

"Yes," I sighed. I thought of Smaug, and the Mirkwood Elves, of Smaug, and of Thorin's death, and Fili and Kili's death and I felt sick to my stomach.

"We might die, you know," He continued. I wondered if he'd mind if I threw up.

"We might not," I choked out. _Martha and the Doctor_, I thought. He shrugged.

"That is true." He got up and walked away. I put my head on my knees and mentally howled.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

"What's the matter?" Abigail asked.

"I'm fine." I stared at the ground.

"No you aren't. If you were really fine, you'd be bugging Thorin or one of the others. You'd be freaking out because MIDDLE EARTH. You'd be mimicking Gandalf behind his back. You aren't doing those things."

"I'm just concerned with how this trip will turn out."

"Well, me too. So, if you are that concerned with things like Smaug and Durin's heirs dying, then…..make this the time of your life. Save theirs. HELP us."

I was silent. Then, I said: "You know, that actually makes sense. Thanks." I clapped her on the shoulder and left.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

We went to explore the trolls cave. I pulled a gas mask out of my bag and strapped it onto my face. (Don't even ask how many things I have in there. It's bigger on the inside :P) I turned to Grace. "Are you my mummy?"

"Oh, you're a major crack-up, you are," she rolled her eyes.

"Thank you."

"Nerd."

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

"Wow."

"What? Sorry, the gas mask is muffling your voice," Abigail said.

"I SAID WOW. I FOUND A SHINY SHARP SWORD." I held it up. Abigail and Grace stared.

"Nice. Let's see if we can find some!" Abigail and Grace began digging around the cave with renewed vigor.

"Hey, Bilbo!" I called.

"Yes?"

"I found something for you," I said. I slipped Sting into his hands. "This'll serve you well. I promise."

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( ((((((((((((((

Well, we stepped out into fresh air. We were just standing there when all of a sudden:

"THEIVES! FIRE! MURDER!" I grinned and ripped off the gas mask.

"Radagast the Brown!" I shouted.

He pulled his Rabbit-Drawn-Sled to a stop and ran to Gandalf. I nudged Abigail, who was a humongous animal lover and therefore Radagast's biggest fan, and smiled. She was already grinning.

And then Gandalf found a stick insect inside his mouth.

"Bleagh," I said. "How'd THAT get there?"


	10. Chapter 10

**Dislclaimer: I do not own The Hobbit, or it's characters or sets. I own Elizabeth, Abigail and Grace.**

**If I owned the Hobbit, I wouldn't be writing this.**

The arrival of the illustrious Radagast was not exiting enough to throw the three of us off the track.

We knew what was next. Abigail squeezed my hand. Grace was pale as death. An Orc pack and Wargs were coming next.

I felt like throwing up. I was no warrior. I had done fine against trolls, but they aren't that hard compared to Orcs. I backed up towards Ori, (One of my favorites, and one of the ones Abigail had sworn to adopt,) and whispered. "Get your slingshot out. We have trouble."

An instant before a Warg jumped into our clearing. It was a blur, and then it lay dead.

Well, Radagast and his Rhosgabel Rabbits offered to draw them off. Abigail gave him one huge hug and then he was off.

Then we were, running at top speed. If people tell you that Dwarves are not fast, then I'll tell you otherwise. They can BOOK it when they need to.

Either that, or because I was a dwarf, it felt fast to me.

So, we ran until we hid behind a rock.

AND THEN THERE WAS A WARG AND AN ORC STANDING ON THE ROCK.

I was so close to passing out.

Then Kili shot it. And it fell.

And we attacked them both as quietly as we could, but it still alerted the rest of the pack. We had to stand and fight. It was just then that we noticed that Gandalf was nowhere in sight. And then we were too busy fighting to notice. I ducked under a blow and rolled over and sliced off a leg of an orc while biting my lip. This is kind of disgusting business. So we all stood and fought and ran and fought and just fought. Then Gandalf was hollering at us to come with him down a rock type hole thingie.

So we all made for it. I was one of the last ones down, surprising enough. I turned around and howled for Kili to get over here, then jumped down myself.

"Ouch!" I hissed.

"Sorry," Grace said. She rolled over, almost rolling over Balin in the meantime.

"Don't squash Balin."

"Sorry!"

################################################## ########

"Rivendell!" I exclaimed. "RIVENDELL! WITH ELVES AND ELROND AND STUFF!"

"Rivendell?" Thorin sent Gandalf an angry glance.

"Yes." I turned on Thorin. "You better not argue with a wizard, especially Gandalf, King though you may be. These elves are not the ones that offered no help, these are the wise elves. Lord Elrond is the Lord of the Last Homely House. He will hopefully offer help and hospitality. I suggest you work on your diplomatic skills. Sorry for insulting you."

You really should have seen the look he gave me.


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimers: I own Elizabeth, Abigail, and Grace, and nothing else.**

**My sisters helped me write this one: THEY GET PART OF THE BLAME IF NOBODY LIKES.**

Lord Elrond greeted us and all.

"Erm…Vedui'," I responded. "Greetings."

He looked a little bit surprised.

Score. I surprised Lord Elrond.

"JUST EAT THE STUPID SALAD," I told Ori. "Otherwise, you'll shrink. And then turn into a swamp toad." Ori made a face.

"Where's the chips?" Dwalin asked.

I slammed my face against the table in exasperation.

"GRRRR."

"Come on. Eat them. Please?" Grace pleaded. Ori reluctantly put a bite in his mouth.

"Don't spit it out. Or else," I warned. He chewed and swallowed. Abigail ate her meal quietly. She wasn't as big of a meat eater as I was, so she liked it a bit better. But we had eaten salads at our homes….so.

It wasn't THAT terrible.

Actually….yeah it was.

"So. I have been meaning to ask," Gloin spoke. "I have been wondering how you have no beard, and how you speak elvish."

"Erm….I was just…..born without. And that's it. And Elvish. About that…..I just….Learned it?"

I was escorted to a bedroom. It was pretty nice. I loved Rivendell, (Don't tell Thorin) and was almost regretting the fact that we were leaving soon.

Even if we didn't get meat here.

I stomped out later wearing a ridiculously impractical dress.

"What happened to you?" Abigail asked.

"I don't want to talk about it," I grumped.

"They gave you one too?" Grace asked. I noticed the fact that they were wearing dresses too.

"They took my clothes for the wash," I informed them. "I feel like a pansy idiot."

"You look like one, too," Abigail told me cheerfully. "C'mon."

/

"Hey guys!" Grace entered the little…..whatever where we had left the group of dwarves. Abigail followed her, and I hung back.

"Come ON," Abigail groaned at me. "Get in here!"

"Forget it. I don't need anyone seeing me like this." Her response was to push me into the circle herself. "Thanks, friend." I turned to the dwarves. "Nobody says a word, nobody gets hurt. Got that? I'm…going to explore out here. Bye."

Having finished my speech, I left in search of the waterfalls.

/

After staring at a waterfall for a good five minutes, I got bored, fast. I turned around and spotted somebody I recognized.

"Fili, get out from behind that tree. I know that's you." He sheepishly stepped out.

"Abigail sent me to check on you," He told me.

"Why? I am in RIVENDELL. I am fine, unless I decided that jumping off of a waterfall would be fun." He shook his head.

"I haven't been here before; I don't know what's around here."

"Abigail should."

"Also, you know our opinions on most elves-"

"HEY. Galadriel and Elrond are COOL. And Abigail is PART ELF."

"…cool?"

"Never mind."

Then it occurred to me that it was getting dark.

Then it occurred to me that Abigail sent FILI on PURPOSE.

Then it occurred to me that I was in a bad situation.

Number 1, I was looking halfway decent, as opposed to when I just yank on pants and a T-Shirt, or my armor.

Number 2, it was twilight.

Number 3, I was BY MYSELF with one of the best looking members in the company, ALL BY MY LONE.

Number 4, we were standing by a WATERFALL, which is, as Abigail puts it, 'romantic'.

Number 5, Fili was standing in the 2nd Zone of my space.

Number 6, things were awkwardly silent.

And I was noticing some bad things, like the fact that he had nice eyes, and that he was looking at me.

This was turning into a bad soap opera.

I would get Abigail if it was the last thing I ever did.

So….I did the only thing I could do at the moment.

"I'm tired of looking at a waterfall. I think I'll head back to my room and look for something I had out."

I fled.

**BAH.**

**In hindsight, I think that was too much.**

**What about everyone else?**

**Please post reviews!  
Constructive Critisisim is welcomed!**


	12. Chapter 12

In my room, I dug my Sixth Doctor coat out of my bag and put it on. Then I went in search of Abigail.

I found her and drug her into a hallway.

"What's eating you?" She asked. "And what are you wearing?!"

"What's eating me?! How about you attempting to SET ME UP?!"

"What are you talking about?" she asked innocently.

"Would you like to break Kili's heart by suddenly dying mysteriously?"

"No…Well, I might have picked Fili out specially to check on you."

"Aha!"

"Sorry!"

"No you're not!"

"No, I'm not!"

I glared at her.

She shrugged.

As Grace, Abigail and I wandered around Rivendell, (it was our last time, probably) Abigail began her ravings about Kili's wonderful personality traits. In the middle of a sentence about Kili being great looking, I finally cut in.

"Isn't it rather dangerous to use one's entire vocabulary in a single sentence?"

All I got for my trouble was a glare.

"Well, that's all you talk about! SAY SOMETHING ELSE."

She grinned. "Hi, how are you?"

I facepalmed.

"You are incorrigible."

"Thank you."

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Frankly, the worst part of this trip so far was continuing without Gandalf for a while.

Gandalf was our only hope.

We caught The Important People leaving their meeting platform.

Sauruman passed us. I turned to him with a wary glance.

"I have my _eye_ on you," I told him. He gave me a weird glance, and continued walking.

That might have been a mistake.

But it was worth it.

…

The next morning, we left Rivendell.

"This is a bad idea," I complained. "We left Gandalf, the most useful guy we had, back in Rivendell, where we could have stayed for a bit longer to get more prepared. And what are we doing? Going off to fight a dragon, climbing over mountains in the rain. I'll kill Thorin for this one."

Abigail smiled. "No you won't."

"No," I sighed, "I probably won't. I'd like to."

"No you don't."

"Wanna bet?" I growled.

She sighed. "We're almost done with THIS part. Calm down!"

"Yes," I grumbled. "And then we get to deal with goblins."


	13. Chapter 13

"GIANTS!" Bofur shouted. "STONE GIANTS!"

"EEP!" I yelped. The giant battle had started, and it was NOT fun.

In the slightest.

Then the knees started separating. "Abigail! Grace!" I shrieked.

"KILI!" Fili shouted.

"AIYEE!" I yipped. I was already practically in hysterics.

I yanked Bilbo back from the edge and tried not to flip out. Then the side that the rest of the group was on crashed. "ABIGAIL! GRACE!"

As soon as possible, we rushed over. "We're ok!" Abigail shouted.

I sighed with relief. Wait. Where was Bilbo?

Over the edge, that's where.

I dove for the edge and grabbed an arm, hollering for help.

All that exercising and weight lifting and sports better help me now! I thought.

I heaved a little bit. "Bilbo, give me your other arm, please!" I grabbed ahold of his other arm.

I felt someone grab my shoulders and help me stay on. I saw another pair of hands on Bilbo.

I looked up at Dwalin, the tallest of the group.

It took a few of us, but we got him up.

I patted Bilbo on the shoulder. "We almost lost our burglar!"

"He's been lost ever since we left," Thorin started. I slowly turned to glare at him.

"He's a HOBBIT. He is not USED to this. He is doing a great job with it. Falling could have happened to ANY one of us. Give him a break. He's doing the best he can. We ALL are. If you don't appreciate the burglar that GANDALF HIMSELF picked out, fine by me. But you'd better start thinking about what you're going to do with two less members of your company." Having finished my rant, I crossed my arms.

He glared right back at me before telling us to find a cave to spend the night in.

Abigail, Grace, and I all sat through the night, unsleeping. We all knew what was next.

Bilbo got up.

Bilbo said the thing to Bofur, and Thorin heard. I hope that taught him a lesson.  
Then the floor opened.

"AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEE!" That was I think, the only intelligible thing I said. The other sounds were screaming and what sounded suspiciously like swearing from one of two of the dwarves.

Thud!

Crud, I thought.

There were goblins EVERYWHERE.

It was NOT fun. They hustled us along, and I saw Bilbo fall down the hole thing. Have fun with Gollum, I thought.

"Abigail?" I called in the middle of the confusion. I caught a glimpse of Grace punching a goblin before being drug further along. Looking behind, I saw Bofur, (His hat, anyway) being shoved to the side.

I glanced ahead and saw the back of a head.

It was a familiar back of a head though.

I reached ahead for something to hold on to, and grabbed Fili's shoulder. He turned his head to glance at me, and then realized who it was. I took comfort in the fact that he looked as scared as I was.

We were brought before The Goblin King, (King Ugly) who demanded to know our purpose.

"Well? Who are you? Spies? Thieves? ASSASINS?"

"Number one," I began, pushing my way to the front of the group, ignoring Bofur's hand on my shoulder. "Number one, we are dwarves, which I thought you might be able to guess."

I got slapped by a goblin underling. I continued, grimacing at the pain. "Number two, why the dickens would we spy on you? THERE'S NOTHING TO SPY ON. Just you and your under-goblin minions. Number Three, thieves? What would we steal? Dwarves themselves are fine craftsmen, it's not likely we'd take anything from goblins. Number Four: Assassins? We didn't even know you existed until just now!" (A lie on my part, and of Abigail and Grace's, but, nothing else to do,) I wiped my sweating hands on my pants legs. "We just fell into your basket thing. Sorry. We were on our way cross-country to the other side of the Misty Mountains to visit our family in our old home."

Half of that was true. The Goblin King had watched me for a while, before asking:

"Where are you from, and who are you?"

"Elizabeth from the Northwest area."

"One of the rare bearded She-Dwarves from the Northwest, then. Well, Elizabeth from the Northwest area, I don't believe you!"

"Oi, I don't have a beard! And shame." Fili tapped me on the shoulder and whispered in my ear.

"You've started one, actually."

"Oh, for the love of-" I felt my face, and there were the few thin hairs that, for now, remained short.

(On a side note, the pictures of the female dwarves I had seen hadn't looked bad at all, rather pretty in fact, so I didn't mind too much.)

I stepped back slightly, just enough to let Thorin ahead.

"Bring out the Bone Breaker!" The Goblin King sang.

"Thanks, but I'd rather not," I muttered. "Why did we leave without Gandalf?"

No one answered my question.


End file.
